Article last updated on August 30, 2021
Having trust in yourself is a very important part of being happy.
It’s not easy to have faith and confidence in your own abilities, but it can be done.
I still struggle with trusting myself all the time, but the more I allow myself to let go of self-judgement and overanalyzing things, equally trust in myself gets better.
I can assure you that you don’t need to wait for the perfect moment or situation to start trusting yourself; you just need to take small steps towards trusting yourself.
This article is about how to build up trust in yourself, even if it feels impossible at times.
After reading this article you will eliminate self-limiting belief that is impossible to trust yourself, and you’ll be able to move forward on your path to happiness.
Why You Don’t Trust Yourself
Let’s address fundamental thing and that is why we don’t trust ourselves.
We are afraid of failing because we think that failure means losing something valuable, like money, relationships, reputation, etc.
But what happens when we fail? Nothing bad actually!
It doesn’t mean anything negative happened. The only reason why we fear failure so much is that we believe that our failures will lead us into some kind of disaster.
This is where we get stuck. Because we’re scared of failing, we never try new things.
We always stick to safe choices which lead us nowhere.
And as long as we keep doing nothing, there won’t be any change.
So here comes the solution: stop thinking negatively about failure.
Failure isn’t going to hurt you.
There’s no such thing as “failure” anyway. So instead of worrying about whether you failed or succeeded, focus on learning from every experience.
Now, I understand that just reading about this won’t necessarily get rid fear of failure, or you won’t start trusting yourself all of a sudden, but it is important to know this.
The reason I am saying this is that we need to conquer fears in order to live life fully.
You see, most people who suffer from anxiety tend to judge themselves harshly.
They blame themselves for everything they do wrong.
They feel guilty about their mistakes, and they also make excuses for them. This creates an endless cycle of guilt and shame.
This guilt and shame decreases your self-trust and the root of the problem is not taking care of your fears. There’s no way around it.
Break down your fears into small tasks to accomplish, and you start to notice a level of self-respect and self trust will increase.
Why It Feels Impossible To Trust Yourself
Emotions are tricky if you don’t detach from them and notice they are not controlling you.
No, you are observing your emotions and deciding if you will be moved by them. This is the power of internal self awareness.
That being said, defining something as impossible is incorrect. Something may feel impossible right now, but it does not have to stay that way forever.
It might seem impossible today, but tomorrow it could become possible. And then next week…and next month…etc.
If you want to overcome feeling incapable, you must first accept that you cannot control other peoples’ opinions, situations and deeply attached habits.
Then you should learn to detach from those thoughts and feelings.
Once you decide to act differently than how you usually behave, you’ll discover that you already had the ability to do so.
The goal is just to simply prove to yourself that something you thought was impossible is actually possible.
Again, like with fear, we can resolve this by breaking down the situation into smaller steps.
For example, let’s say you think it is impossible for you to be a better business owner.
You’ve been building your business for years and haven’t made significant progress.
Why not ask yourself:
- What skills do you lack?
- How can you improve upon them?
- What are the obstacles preventing you from making changes?
- Are you a rock, tree or a human being capable of becoming better?
Once you answer these questions, you’ll realize that you already possess many of the qualities needed to succeed.
You might find the last question a bit silly, but it is profound. It helps you to notice that you are more powerful than you believe.
How To Build Trust In Yourself
When you build up enough confidence in yourself, you begin to develop a sense of inner peace. You stop worrying about what others think of you.
And when you’re able to relax and enjoy life without thinking too much about things, you gain freedom.
In fact, once you reach this point, you’ll never look back at any moment in time when you felt anxious or insecure again.
So why would anyone ever choose to go through such pain?
Because there is always someone who wants to take advantage of us. They use our weaknesses against us.
They manipulate us emotionally because they know we won’t fight back. We give away our power over ourselves.
We allow people to walk all over us. But we shouldn’t blame ourselves for doing so.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live peacefully. That doesn’t mean we need to sacrifice everything else in order to achieve it. Instead, we should focus on improving ourselves. Then we can help everyone around us.
This process takes practice. So don’t expect instant results. Instead, keep working towards achieving your goals one step at a time.
As long as you continue moving forward, eventually you’ll get there.
So here are some tips on how to do so.
1. Be honest with yourself
The first step to building up trust in yourself is to be honest with yourself.
This means telling yourself what you really think and feel without any judgement.
Lying to ourselves is often worse than lying to others. We lie to ourselves by convincing ourselves that our lives aren’t working out the way we’d hoped.
We convince ourselves that we need to change certain aspects of our lives even though we haven’t yet made any changes.
This leads us down paths where we end up making choices based off of false beliefs rather than facts.
It also means accepting who you are as well as where you stand right now.
Furthermore, it involves learning to accept other people for who they are.
For example, if you have an argumentative friend, try to understand their perspective before reacting negatively.
If you want to become a better person, have a more meaningful life, then start practicing self-compassion instead of beating yourself up every time you make mistakes.
Keep in mind that you will try to tell yourself a little white lies just to avoid feeling bad.
Personally, the best way to be honest with myself is to practice self awareness and, with heightened awareness, I can notice “a little liar” coming up.
The moment I notice it, I expose it to my conciseness and label it. When I put a label on it in my mind, it simply disappears.
2. Accepting Your Limitations
If you want to trust yourself, then you must accept your limitations. There will always be certain aspects of your personality which make you vulnerable, especially negative self-talk.
You just need to learn how to trust in yourself even if it feels impossible. Don’t let a lack of faith sabotage you.
The first step towards becoming more confident is accepting the fact that we all have weaknesses. We may not like it, but this is true.
It doesn’t mean that you’re weak or inferior. It simply means that there’s something about you that makes people feel uncomfortable around you.
This could be anything from being too shy to having an annoying habit.
Keep in mind, it is not your job to change yourself for the sake of others, it is to notice your limitations. In other words, other people can be a reflection of what you are ignoring or compensating.
You need to be you, not some fake copy that is ignoring personal limitations and potentials.
3. Don’t Compare Yourself With Others
It’s easy to compare yourself to other people. And if you constantly see yourself falling short compared to their achievements, you may start feeling inferior.
But remember that no matter how hard you try, you cannot compete with another person.
The only thing you have control over are your own actions.
So, instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on what you can do and be proud of the fact that you are a unique individual who has his or her own strengths and weaknesses.
No one else will ever be perfect either. So stop trying so hard to live up to someone else’s expectations.
You don’t need anyone else’s approval in order for you to feel good about yourself.
This is how you will build self trust.
4. Focus On What You Can Control
Your success depends entirely on you. There can be a difficult time in your life, but no one else has anything to do with whether you accomplish something great.
You can’t blame anyone but yourself if things don’t go your way, and that is a good thing because it means you are in control of the outcome.
By having focus on goal and what you can control, you’ll find that you become less stressed out and anxious.
Instead of worrying about everything going wrong, you can take action by doing whatever needs to get done.
The best way to do this is to focus your energy on the things in life that are within your power.
For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed with work, instead of thinking “I’m never going to finish these projects”, think “I am capable of finishing them” and ask yourself:
- How much time will I need?
- What is stopping me from finishing this project?
Instead of wasting your energy trying to figure out why other people aren’t helping you as much as they should be, just start working towards accomplishing your goals.
When you feel like giving up, remind yourself how far you’ve come already.
If you have been struggling for months now, then there’s no reason to give up.
Just keep pushing forward until you reach where you want to be and reach an achievable goal.
When you stop blaming others for all your problems and take daily action you’ll realize that everyone around you wants only the best for you. They may not always show it, but deep down inside, they care about you.
So when you see someone who isn’t being supportive, try to understand their point of view before judging them.
Don’t judge, focus on what you can control and slowly build trust in yourself.
5. Learn From Mistakes
Mistakes happen. Everyone makes mistakes. However, most people learn from those mistakes.
You can’t change the past, but you can make a better future by learning from your mistakes and moving on with life.
When you learn from mistakes, you are developing a trust in yourself that will help you to be more confident about whom you really are.
If you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else is going to either. You have to start believing in yourself first before anyone else does.
The best way to learn from mistakes is to take action towards what you want.
When you act as if something were true, it helps you to come into alignment with reality.
This means that when you think of something or someone, you should feel like they already exist inside you.
It’s not just thinking about them; it’s feeling like they’re there right now. This creates an energetic connection between you and whatever you’re focusing on.
If you make a mistake while doing this exercise, simply let go of the thought and move onto another thing.
You are always going to make mistakes, but it does not define who you are as a person.
The important thing is how you react when those mistakes happen. Do you learn from them? Or do you let them get under your skin so much that you become bitter about them? That is up to you.
But don’t blame others for your failure.
6. Take Responsibility For Your Actions
No one else is responsible for your personal life failures except yourself.
No matter what happens in life, no one will ever be able to take away from you the fact that you tried hard enough or did everything possible to succeed.
It doesn’t mean anything if someone says they were disappointed with something you did because they didn’t think you could have done better. It means nothing at all.
You can only control how well you do things and not whether anyone likes them or not.
Taking responsibility for your actions does not make you a bad person. Quite the contrary.
If you don’t try then you won’t know. And it’s always good to learn new things. So go ahead and give it a shot!
Don’t let others tell you who you should be or what you should look like.
Don’t listen to people telling you what you’re doing wrong when you’ve never asked their opinion on any of this before.
Every action step you take is like a vote for trusting yourself.
You vote every time you decide to act instead of waiting around until someone tells you what to do next.
So trust yourself first and foremost. Then ask questions later.
The more you practice taking responsibility for your own decisions, the easier it becomes. The harder it gets to stop blaming other people for your problems.
And once you start thinking about these things as being true, you’ll find that you begin acting differently than you used to.
7. Stop Trying To Make Everyone Happy
There isn’t such thing as “making everyone happy.” There is only happiness.
Single people, horrible people or any type of person generates his/her own level of happiness.
Happiness comes from within. Happiness comes from knowing that you love yourself enough to accept everything in your life, no matter how hard it may seem right now.
No one else will ever truly understand what you’re feeling unless you explain it to them.
They cannot see inside your head. Only you can.
But there is still value in sharing your feelings with others. Sharing helps you grow stronger emotionally.
The more you share your emotions, thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, etc., the easier it becomes for other people to relate to you on an emotional level.
This makes it easier for them to help you out when you need it most.
8. Learn How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
It seems so simple but saying no doesn’t come naturally to most people. It takes practice.
And sometimes it feels impossible because we don’t know how to handle rejection.
Start small. Maybe you could limit yourself to two hours of watching YouTube per day.
Or if you’re not ready to make that kind of commitment then set smaller goals. For instance, you could commit to spending less time watching a certain YouTube channel.
The point is to start somewhere and build from there. You can always go back later when your confidence has grown a bit more.
Why it is important to say No
When someone asks us to do something or give them our attention, they are asking us to trust them.
They want us to believe that what they say will be good for us. And even though we may think otherwise at times, we still choose to listen.
We trust them enough to take their advice into consideration. We trust them enough to follow through on whatever decision they made.
So as much as we might try to avoid being vulnerable by avoiding taking risks, we actually end up trusting others more than we would if we didn’t care about whether or not they were going to keep their word.
This is especially true when it comes to relationships.
When we open ourselves up to another person, we put our trust in them.
We allow them access to parts of our lives that we wouldn’t normally share with anyone else.
This means that we also risk getting hurt.
But we decided to take those chances anyway. Because we value having meaningful connections with other human beings.
We all deserve to experience love and connection.
So, instead of trying to protect ourselves from pain, we should focus on protecting ourselves from loneliness.
By learning how to say no without feeling guilty.
Let me ask you a question: What makes you happy? Is it money? Fame? Or maybe just doing things that bring joy to your life?
I’m sure that you’ve heard many answers over the years.
Some people prefer working hard while others enjoy relaxing after work.
Others find fulfillment in helping others.
Still, others get excited about new experiences. The list goes on and on.
What matters isn’t necessarily which answer resonates with you right now.
Instead, what matters is that you continue to pursue happiness regardless of where it leads you. That way you’ll never regret saying No and continue trusting yourself.
9. Invest in spending time with yourself
Spending time alone doesn’t necessarily mean playing video games or spending time on social media.
It could simply mean taking an hour out of each day to spend quality time with yourself.
Do something like reading a book, meditating, journaling, exercising, etc.
The point isn’t just to relax; it’s to enjoy yourself and take care of your mental health.
You can do this by setting aside some time every single day for you and your own needs.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed at the moment, try doing one thing that makes you feel good about yourself first before moving onto other things.
For example: if you want to start working out more often, make it easier for you to do this. Less friction and complication to doing something will help you to actually do it.
Or maybe you need to take better care of yourself mentally?
Take time for meditation
I am a big proponent of meditation because I think it is so important to be able to calm down when we are stressed.
Meditation helps us to focus our attention inwardly, which allows us to become aware of what is going on inside ourselves.
This means that we can learn how to control our emotions and thoughts without having them control us.
There are many types of meditation, but they all have similar benefits.
Here is a simple way to get started:
- Sit comfortably somewhere quiet where there won’t be any distractions.
- Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose.
- Focus only on breathing as you inhale and exhale slowly.
- If something distracts you, it’s ok, notice the distraction and come back to your breathing. Just relax, sit still and concentrate on your breath until you notice your mind wandering off again.
- When you catch yourself thinking about something else, gently bring your awareness back to focus on your breath.
- This process takes anywhere between 10-20 minutes depending on your ability level.
The benefits of meditation include improved concentration, stress relief, increased confidence, reduced anxiety, and overall happiness.
Personally, it helps me to “zoom out” more from any situation and have an objective view. That partial detachment helps me to make better decisions and be a lot calmer when in the past I would have been stressed.
10. Be decisive
If you want to develop trust in yourself, you need to act decisively when making decisions.
Decisions require action. So take responsibility for your choices and follow through with whatever decision you made.
This helps you learn to trust yourself because you’re taking control over something instead of letting someone else decide for you.
In addition, being decisive also gives you a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve done something rather than waiting around hoping someone else decides for you.
Take charge and move forward. You’ll gain much more respect for yourself once you begin acting confidently.
Trust your gut instincts
We tend to rely too heavily on logic and rational thought when making decisions.
Yes, bad decisions can happen, but sometimes intuition plays a bigger role in determining whether or not we should go ahead with certain actions.
So try trusting your instinctive feelings more often, try taking a leap of faith.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but eventually you’ll find that you don’t even need to use reason anymore.
If you are ever in any doubt, learn to let go.
It sounds like such a cliché thing to say, but learning to let things go really does improve your life.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up completely though.
Instead, it simply means accepting reality and moving on.
11. Embrace vulnerability
When we are vulnerable, we open ourselves up to being hurt. We become more human, which means we’re less likely to judge others harshly.
We all have our vulnerabilities.
It is not about lowering personal standards. The key is not to hide vulnerabilities but to embrace them.
Letting go of shame around these feelings allows us to connect authentically with other humans.
Vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness; it simply means openness.
Reframing vulnerability as bravery is a powerful way to move past the fear and pain that come along with opening yourself up emotionally.
It’s important to remember that you can always choose how you feel about something. You don’t need anyone else’s approval or validation for your emotions.
You deserve to be heard when you talk about what hurts you. It may help if you write down some things that make you sad or scared, so you can process those thoughts later on.
When you feel insecure in social situations, remind yourself that it’s okay to ask questions. Don’t worry about making mistakes because everyone does at first. Just try to learn from each experience.
How to be authentic and show vulnerability
To be authentic and vulnerable, some people find it helpful to practice mindfulness meditation.
This helps you focus on the present moment without getting caught up in thinking too much about the future or dwelling on the past.
Mindfulness also teaches you to accept where you are right now instead of trying to change who you are.
I have already mentioned my take on meditation, but it nicely compliments authenticity and vulnerability.
Another way is by practicing assertiveness. This will allow you to express your needs clearly while still maintaining respect for others’ boundaries. Being assertive will assure you of self- respect.
12. Push yourself
If you find it difficult to trust yourself, then why not push yourself?
Take a shot at life, try new activities, try speaking in front of groups, take risks and make mistakes!
These are always to challenge yourself and test your boundaries.
When you fail, you won’t feel so bad about failing, and this could lead to greater self-confidence.
Our external surroundings and factors beyond our control aren’t normally the things holding us back
It’s our perception of ourselves and the boundaries we build around ourselves that stop us from achieving what we want.
You don’t know how capable you are.
Don’t let yourself be afraid to try new things. Be brave enough to step outside your comfort zone.
The more you do something, the easier it will become for you to do it again.
This is called ‘practice makes perfect’ or ‘the law of practice’.
Practice means doing it over and over until you get better at a skill.
Perfect means getting everything right every time.
So if you’re practicing something like playing an instrument, you’ll probably mess up once or twice before you start sounding good. But as long as you keep practicing, eventually you’ll sound great.
And when you’ve mastered a certain skill, you can move on to another one.
13. Break procrastination cycle
Procrastination is a common problem that affects people of all ages.
It’s not about being lazy, it’s about the fact that we don’t trust ourselves to do what needs to be done in order for us to achieve our goals and dreams.
We are afraid of failure or success because we think they will make us feel bad. This creates an endless cycle of procrastination. You start off with good intentions but end up doing nothing.
You get so used to this pattern that you forget how important it was to break out of it.
The truth is: Procrastination will never be eliminated by itself. You must break it.
If you don’t break the cycle, it will make any productive action hard and make unnecessary tough times.
When you stop procrastinating, then you can trust yourself because you are finally taking action.
To break the procrastination cycle, you need only two things.
- Awareness when you start a procrastination cycle.
- Action that overrides the cycle.
Once you notice your mind starting to wander away from work, take control over it right now!
Stop thinking about anything else except getting back on track.
If you have been working hard at something for days without any results, chances are high that you are going through a procrastination cycle.
In such cases, you should immediately ask yourself why you haven’t achieved more progress yet?
Be honest with yourself. The more you can objectively see the situation, the faster you are on the path to breaking the procrastination cycle and improving trust in yourself.
It’s all about actions over time.
Questions About Self Trust
How do you know if you don’t trust yourself?
By self sabotaging yourself. What does it mean to sabotage yourself? It means that you are trying to avoid facing reality.
For example, let’s say you want to lose weight. Instead of eating healthy food, you eat junk food instead. This way you won’t face the consequences of your actions.
Everyone has experienced self-sabotage at some point in their lives.
But most people don’t realize that they are actually sabotaging themselves. They just blame external factors like laziness, lack of willpower, etc.
Instead of looking within themselves, they look outside.
They try to find someone who could help them overcome these problems. But no one can really solve those issues for you.
Only YOU can change yourself.
What makes you doubt yourself?
How do you know if you don’t trust yourself?
Self-trust is one of those qualities that everyone wants to develop. It’s very difficult to build self-confidence if you lack self-trust.
However, there are some questions that help you understand where exactly your doubts come from.
Let me share them with you.
- Do I really want to change my life?
- Am I willing to put myself first?
- Can I handle rejection?
- Will I stick to my decisions even though others might disagree with them?
- How much time am I prepared to invest in achieving my goal?
- Is my plan realistic enough?
- Are my actions aligned with my values?
- Have I taken care of my health?
- Am I ready to face challenges?
- Am I able to cope with stress?
Deep down we all have an inner critic which tells us what we cannot or shouldn’t be doing.
This voice inside our head often contradicts our own beliefs and desires.
It tries to convince us not to follow our dreams but rather stay safe and comfortable.
We tend to listen to this voice because we believe that it knows better than us.
And since we always hear this voice louder than everything else, we end up believing its words.
You can suppress this voice by developing more external self awareness and I think this article will help you greatly.
Is it possible to trust my intuition?
Yes! Intuitive insights are part of human nature. We all possess intuitive abilities. However, many of us ignore them.
Intuition helps us make quick decisions based on gut feelings.
If you feel uncomfortable about taking a certain action, then maybe you need to reconsider your decision.
The same goes for other situations when you experience negative emotions. You may notice that you’re feeling anxious or angry right now.
These emotions usually indicate that you’ve made a wrong choice. So, next time when you feel uneasy about something, ask yourself: “Am I making the best decision?”
Doing so will allow you to gain clarity and confidence.
Does following my instinct mean that I’m weak? No! Following your instincts doesn’t necessarily imply weakness. On the contrary, it means being strong.
Let me reframe this by asking you a question. Why do we hesitate to take risks? Why aren’t we brave enough to live out loud?
Can I trust myself even though I am anxious?
Yes! Anxiety is just another emotion. And like any other emotion, anxiety has both positive and negative sides.
So instead of letting fear control you, use it as motivation to get things done.
For example, let’s say you’re afraid of public speaking. Instead of avoiding such events, why don’t you practice in front of friends and family members?
By facing your fears, you’ll learn how to deal with them. This way you won’t only overcome your anxieties, but also become stronger.
Conclusion
All in all, trusting oneself requires courage. It takes guts to step outside one’s comfort zone.
However, if you keep practicing new behaviors every day, eventually they will become second-nature.
I hope these tips help you build greater confidence and remember:
- Be aware of your thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to those moments where you feel most vulnerable. These are times when you should pay extra attention to your internal dialogue.
- Learn to identify your limiting beliefs. Once you know what they are, you can start challenging them.
- Develop self-awareness. By becoming conscious of your behavior patterns, you can begin to change them.
- Practice mindfulness. It allows you to focus on the present moment without getting distracted by experiences.
- Don’t compare yourself to others. There’s no point comparing yourself to someone who already achieved their goals.
- Do what makes you happy. When you pursue happiness, you’ll find fulfillment.
- Take care of yourself. Make sure you eat well, exercise regularly and rest enough.
